How To Handle Relationship Problems

RELATIONSHIP AND RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

It appears or so it seems that there must be a relationship problem in every relationship. This is one aspect in relationship that very many people pray they will never experience. But be sure and understand that the only place where relationship problems will not occur is a place where there is no relationship at all. No matter how small or casual a relationship looks like, there are problems associated with it. The earlier you learn this truth the more prepared you would be when these problems arise. Most times while we find it difficult to get along again with our partner after having a relationship problem is because often than not we don’t prepare for them before they come. Actually nobody ever wishes to experience any problem in his or her relationship but we can never no matter how we try run away from relationship problems. While I want this stuck in your head is for you to understand that it is not a strange thing for you to be passing through this kind of relationship problems. Have you heard of the saying that says that “what goes for the duck is also good for the geese” meaning that somebody somewhere is also having a serious challenge in his or her own relationship. You see, you are not alone on this side of the ship. Yes there are some persons whose relationship problems are more terrible than the one you might be thinking that you have. So my dear relationship problems are actually one of the features of relationship. Though you are free to pray not to have these problems at all but my candid advice is that you should create a room for it in your heart. i don’t mean you should harbour or create problems for yourself, but to know what to do when it eventually comes. This will enhance you with the utmost wisdom you will need to handle the situation maturely. Don’t worry, no matter what it is, it will soon wear out like the snow when the sun smiles.

CAUSES OF RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS
Now, having understood that relationship problems are part of the ways of a relationship. Let’s now look at reasons why a relationship would always have challenges. There are lots of relationship problems scattered all over the world. So it will be very difficult trying to enumerate all the relationship problems and what causes them. But I will try and see how best you will be helped in discovering those things you must have neglected that are trying to cost you your relationship. It is until you discover the cause of your problem you may not exactly know how to handle them.

There is another fact I would want to make you understand. Sometimes when people start having problem in their relationship, they more often than not exonerate themselves from being the cause of the relationship problem, they only see a greater percentage of the problem in the other person. Let me share with you some pivot reasons why most relationship have problems. Perhaps you would have a deeper understanding of your situation.

LACK OF UNDERSTANDING
This is one of the millions and billions of reasons while people are having relationship problems. Before you can walk or work with anybody, there must be a sense of understanding. Because you have refused to understand your partner, wife children, parent, siblings, friends, etc. that is why it looks as if the issue you are having now would not be resolved. What does it mean to understand? It means that both of you or all of you that are involved in the relationship are seeing things from different angles. When you say cheese and your partner says nuts, I don’t think that there is any agreement at all. If you look critically into the relationship problems you are having now, you will discover that you are lacking understanding or rather you are refusing to understand and agree about some matters with your partner. Most times when you disagree, you will hardly see your own mistakes that contributed to your relationship problem, all that your eyes will be opened to is the faults and problems caused by your partner or spouse. It is also the same in his or her own side.

TOLERANCE
Tolerance simply means being able accommodate, being able to condone no matter what. Are you so disciplined that you don’t take shit from anybody? Are you so careful that you don’t want to accommodate any weakling in your life or business? How about your idiosyncrasy? Maybe you are a perfectionist at several points? These are some of the things that can engineer lack of tolerance in your relationship and where there is no tolerance there must be a lot relationship problems. It is as simple as that, when there is no tolerance, relationship problems settle as fast as they could. This issue of lack of tolerance has shipwrecked and sunk a lot of relationships. I do hope dear that you will not have to tell stories about that. How do you handle it you asked? Don’t worry we shall deal with it shortly but let’s look at another point that causes relationship problems.

EVIL COMPANY
Show me your friend and I will tell you exactly who you are and what you are capable of. Sixty percent of relationship problems encountered today are caused by wrong and evil advices gotten from friends. Do you want to solve your relationship problems? Then check out who are your best pals and how they have influenced your life. If you have not considered them worthwhile, I strongly suggest that you run away from them; especially those that will always advice you on how not to reconcile with your partner, those that will want the relationship problem that you are having to linger more than it is supposed to be. Do you read the bible? Then look at 1st Corinthians 15:32. It reports that evil company corrupts good manner. Be wise dear!

LACK OF MONEY
Once, a teenage girl said, “How can a relationship be sweet when there is no money.” Money of course brings a lot of good moments into a relationship, in the house, family, company, etc. but that does not mean that it is what matters most. Maybe you are the type that cannot endure hardship. Probably because there is no more money, you are now causing lots of problems between you and your spouse, parents, friends, etc. this is tragic! Some wives divorced their husbands because he is no longer bringing much money to the house again, I am pretty sure that you are not among that category. If you are then there is an urgent need for you to retrace your steps now. Let us try and see how we are going to handle these issues.

HANDLING YOUR RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS
I am going to briefly look at these points that I raised above so that we can start from there. If you want to be free from any relationship problems, then you must know how to be a man of understanding. Don’t always be the right person but consider your partner in every and any matter or issue. Now let me tell you what happens when you misunderstand, you seem to exaggerate and compound your partner’s blunder with respect to what is causing the relationship problem. You can hardly see your flaws and mistakes; all blames will be channeled to him or her.

For you to understand you must be able to listen and be patient with him or her. You must learn to appreciate his or her input in the relationship and also encourage him even when it seems that his best does not satisfy you. Always remember that it takes two to agree, so when you don’t agree there may never be a remedy for your relationship problem.

You must learn how to accommodate his or her weaknesses, some men are very fond of pointing out other persons mistakes rather than their strength, this will only generate strife and compound your relationship problem. No man is perfect including you. There were times people tolerated your own flaws and mistakes and they accommodated you, they did not quarantine you nor raised dust over your head. Make room for your spouse mistakes; discipline yourself as to condone his or her weakness until the desired change is seen. This will make you to facilitate the help you give to him and you will never find yourself in a position of capitalizing on his or her mistakes to make relationship problems where they don’t really exist.

Be careful about the company you keep. Be watchful over those you can proudly present as your friends. They, to a large extent determine your actions and your decisions. Have you realized that some characters are contagious? Maybe you are not keeping late nights but now you enjoy it. Was not a suggestion from a pal or a life style of one of your good pals? Quit evil company and communication and deal with your relationship problems so as to enjoy your relationship.

Do you have money please don’t squander it, spend it wisely. But if you don’t have, please do not go stealing. Be patient and work hard money will still come. Do not base the happiness of your relationship on money so that its absence will not cause any relationship problems. Both or all of you should put your heads and hands together and then sooner than you are expecting it, money wouldn’t be a problem anymore.

Until you deal with your relationship problems, you may not have a sweet and lasting relationship so I want you to be committed in bringing back happiness into your relationships. Clear the wrinkled faces and let them shine with smiles. There is no point in allowing your sweet and wonderful times in the past to suffer because of relationship problems. I know very well that you can handle it.

 

Signs You Make Your Relationship More Worse

When you start off in a relationship, the future looks rosy and you envision a lifetime of eternal bliss and contentment with the person you love. The very idea of relationship problems might seem alien to you and you believe that you have found the perfect partner. However, as time passes, the reality of relationship problems begins to hit you. You quarrel for small things and things that would have been easy to handle earlier, now become a major irritant. Clearly, your relationship has hit troubled waters.

All relationships do have problems, and these problems usually can be dealt with. However, there are times when your actions can break your fragile relationship and can lead to the bond being broken, at times even beyond reconciliation. If you are doing any of the following things, it is time to stop right now if you want to fix your relationship.

Playing The Blame Game

There are times we spend so much time pointing fingers at our partner’s mistakes that we stop to take a look at our own contribution to the problem. When your relationship is in trouble, take ownership of your own mistakes and work towards setting things right before you point at your partner’s failings. Fault-finding and blaming your partner will only make your relationship problems worse, even if there is quite a lot that your partner needs to work on. If you really need to address concerns as to your partners behaviour or activities, wait for the right time and do so without blaming him/ her for your relationship problems.

Getting Suspicious

Suspicion is a major relationship breaker. If you have the habit of constantly checking your partner’s text messages, e-mails and correspondence, of it you constantly suspect him/ her of being unfaithful to you, then your relationship problems are bound to go from bad to worse. Most suspicions are unfounded and if you spend some time thinking about the root of these, you will find that they actually lie in your own insecurity. Therefore, address your own issues before allowing your suspicions to ruin your relationship. If there is a valid reason for your suspicion, then address the matter calmly and refrain from constantly bringing it up if it has been proven to be baseless.

Throwing Tantrums

No one likes to be in a relationship with a person who throws either temper tantrums or emotional tantrums at the slightest provocation. If you have a problem in getting your temper or your emotions under control, work on this as it can really ruin your relationship if left unchecked. A tantrum could be the last stray for an already troubled relationship, and you definitely do not want to let things get to that stage.

Gossiping About Your Relationship Problems

While you might want to unburden yourself to your friends, gossiping about your relationship problems is one of the worst things that you can do if your relationship is already in trouble. Things that you tell mutual friends might be passed around in a totally different light and could reach the ears of your partner as something absolutely contrary to what you actually said, and which you will not be able to defend anyway. This can break your relationship irrevocably. Work on settling your relationship problems in a mature way. If you need to talk to anyone about it, seek out the advice of a relationship counsellor.

Beginning To Stalk

You know that you relationship is in trouble and you then begin to wonder whether your partner is distant toward you because he or she is seeing someone else. Suspicion leads on to paranoia, and you begin to stalk your partner. This can take many forms – keeping a track of where he or she is going, checking on correspondence, and even monitoring phone calls. This is a huge relationship breaker and should be avoided. Give your partner some space. Stalking is not the sign of a healthy relationship and can lead to major complications.

Becoming Clingy

When you are afraid of losing the person your love because of relationship problems, you might be tempted to cling to him or her even more. This can lead to the push and pull effect – the more you push towards your partner, the more your partner pulls away. Being clingy also causes your partner to get suffocated in the relationship and relationship cracks become more pronounced. Therefore, give your partner some space and resist the temptation to cling, no matter how insecure you might be feeling.

Becoming Extra Nice

While it is good to be sweet, avoid being saccharine sweet. This means that when you see that your relationship is in trouble avoid being unnaturally sweet and good to your partner, or being a doormat. This is not going to help. On the contrary, your partner will see that you are not being yourself and this can put him or her off. Be yourself, while avoiding traits that could make things worse between the two of you.

Keeping In Touch All The Time

You are so worried that your relationship is going to break completely, that you begin to constantly remind your partner of your presence, either by texts, e-mails, instant messages, phone calls or gifts. Cut this out if you want to hold your relationship together. While you are doing all of this out of love, these actions could make your partner run even further from you. An occasional positive bit of communication is fine. However, avoid overdoing it.

Flirting With Others

Some people make the mistake of thinking that if they flirt with others their partner will get jealous and work on the relationship. To an already troubled relationship, this can be a major cause for complete breakdown. If you flirt with others when your partner is already unhappy with your relationship, he or she will feel that this is added reason to leave you, and the next thing you realise is that your relationship is over. Be faithful to your partner. It will pay off in the end.

Having A Don’t-Care Attitude

Having a don’t-care attitude will give your partner the impression that you are not interested in the relationship and in him or her. There are many people who might tell you that if you back off and use reverse psychology on your partner, he or she will come back to you. Well, this might work to a small extent. However, this will break your relationship in the long run since the underlying problems still remain. Take an interest in your partner and continue to work on your relationship. When you care, even the most disgruntled partner will care too.

Many people feel that it takes two to make a relationship and it should therefore take two people to even fix a relationship that is in trouble. This is true in most cases. However, there are some cases where this is not the rule. There are times when relationship problems might have pushed your partner to a point where he or she is fed up of the relationship. In other cases, there could be circumstances that stress your partner out to the point where logical and reasonable thinking is difficult. In these cases, it is illogical to expect your partner to work with you on the relationship right at the start.

By not contributing further to relationship breakdown by doing the things mentioned above, you will be giving your partner a chance to heal and come to a state where he or she can work on the relationship. Once this stage is reached, you can take things forward together.

 

Sexting on Relationship

‘Sexting’… So what is it anyway? ‘Sexting’ by definition is sending or receiving sexually explicit messages or photos by mobile phones or other social media. This is a trend that has increased steadily through the years as more and more people have utilized phones as their main method of communication. In fact, 88% of adults have engaged in some kind of ‘sexting’ within the context of a relationship according to a paper called: “Reframing Sexting as a Positive Relationship Behavior.” 2

Is ‘sexting’ more common than we believe or are these research studies just turning up coincidences with this type of behavior? Emily Stasko, at Drexel’s University in Philadelphia, surveyed 870 heterosexual individuals and found that more ‘sexting’ was associated with a higher level of sexual satisfaction. 2

These are just two studies, you might say, and don’t represent the population at large. Well, another way to look at this is that technology is something that most people (in larger cities or suburban areas) concentrate on daily. People are very involved with social media on mobile phones, computers & tablets. They are using these social media applications for various reasons (i.e. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, WhatsApp, Tumblr, Vine, Snapchat, etc). Is there any reason to think, even for a minute, that people are not using technology to date or enhance their present relationships? People all over the country (and the world) have access to texting/messaging, social media, and video chatting (Facetime, Viper, etc.). It is extremely easy to use any of these modalities in the context of a relationship.

So how do people view ‘sexting?

The problem is that not everyone defines ‘sexting’ the same way. Is it the sending of sexually explicit or provocative messages? Is it primarily the sending of sexual images? Some people see it as one, the other or even as both. This has been unclear because there have been various opinions about the subject. ‘Sexting’ may not be limited to just messaging but could also include the use of Twitter, Facebook, Skype and Facetime, as well as, other social media platforms. This could also mean sending sexually explicit video or showing nude body parts while video conferencing. This complicates matters even more and broadens the current definition.

Most people have really warmed up to the idea of ‘sexting’ and according to the research, previously cited, a very high number of people have engaged (and continue to engage) in this behavior. These research studies and surveys have focused on how ‘sexting’ can improve relationships and rekindled sex lives. However, there is a darker side as well. This article focuses on those individuals that use ‘sexting’ as a way of seeking excitement, sex, and/or attention outside of their present relationship. The lines are sometimes blurred with regards to virtual or internet relationships because they are not viewed as being “real.”

Is ‘Sexting’ outside of a relationship considered cheating?

That is a good question. We already know that ‘sexting’ or sending these sexually provocative messages can really enhance a committed relationship. However, what happens when people send these types of messages outside of a committed relationship? How is ‘sexting’ viewed among the general population?

“A 2013 Huffington Post article of 1,000 U.S. adults found that 85 percent of women and 74 percent of men consider ‘sexting’ a form of cheating.” 1

‘Sexting’ outside a relationship can be exciting especially for those individuals that are looking for ‘that extra something’ in their lives. Perhaps these individuals love their spouses or partners but seem to have ‘lost’ the passion or excitement in their relationship. For other individuals, maybe they are looking to find someone else online or in a virtual sense (i.e. via texting, online websites or other media) that they can flirt with and is considered “safe.” That could fall into the “grass is greener on the other side of the fence” scenario. A person may be very happy or mostly satisfied with their partner but think that they might be able to find something better outside their relationship.

Other scenarios could include men or women that seem to feel as if they are invisible to their partners or spouses due to over demanding careers, children, mental illness, physical illness, alcoholism, etc. These individuals may find that through ‘sexting’ with a 3rd party that they can feel loved, desired and even sexy. It is through this media (and possibly other reasons) that people justify their actions and tell themselves that they are not cheating because there is no physical relationship.

Is this behavior wrong? Is it cheating? There are various reasons why an individual may decide to engage in ‘sexting’ outside of his/her relationship but what is the intention exactly? Some people may believe that due to the virtual nature of ‘sexting’ that it isn’t necessarily wrong. ‘Sexting’ doesn’t have to involve physical contact and it could just be chalked down to a simple fantasy (or something that they don’t intend to pursue). It may have started as something very innocuous (like work-related messages sent to a colleague, coworker or fellow student) but then it moved forward to a more sexual type of relationship.

However if a person is deleting texts, hiding cell phone bills, or being secretive about this virtual relationship then it seems that he/she has become more involved with someone other than a spouse or partner. This person is now thinking about another person, sending pictures to that person, and possibly wishing he/she could spend time with that other person. If we are looking at the health of a marriage or relationship, any time someone else becomes involved, that health has now been compromised. We could also argue that the commitment toward the relationship or marriage has waned because of the 3rd party that is now part of the equation.

Case Examples:

Maria and Thomas (not their real names) have been married for 3 years but have been together for about 12 years. Thomas had been dealing with anxiety issues for his whole life but had developed a drinking habit to numb the intense feelings that he dealt with on a daily basis. This drinking problem had become so bad where Maria had found him passed out on the couch a few times after work and he spent a good amount of time drinking with colleagues. This situation caused her to feel very detached and distrustful of Thomas. She didn’t feel as if Thomas loved or desired her and that his drinking had become his new relationship. Maria decided to contact a former male friend from school with which she began a ‘sexting’ relationship. She never sent any sexually explicit photos of herself to this other person but the messages they shared were very provocative.

Maria never had any intentions of actually cheating on Thomas but she just felt lonely and unattractive. She sought companionship with someone that showed interest in her and chose to continue this ‘sexting’ relationship for a couple of months. She mentioned that this person made her feel sexy and desirable. She also felt good that someone was interested in her and although this person requested to meet her in person, she never did. Maria had some guilt that she was busy sending messages to someone other than her husband yet she continued. She got so frustrated with Thomas that she even ‘sexted’ this friend of hers while her husband was next to her on the couch.

Now, although this behavior of Maria’s was not having a physical affair it was an emotional affair. Maria was tired of trying to get through to her husband about his drinking and lack of interest in her. She spent a good amount of time looking for affection outside her relationship because her husband was not available to her. When Thomas found out about this ‘sexting’ relationship that Maria had started, he was devastated that she would do such a thing.

Maria made the decision to seek therapy to discuss her concerns and disappointment in herself and her relationship. Obviously she realized that while her marriage was not in the best state that she needed help to put things into perspective. After a few sessions, Maria wanted to bring her husband to join in the sessions. These sessions were spent having both of them discuss their feelings and how they were each disappointed with one another. Maria was able to discuss how she felt undesirable and lonely while Thomas received validation for his anxiety issues. Thomas was confronted for his alcohol abuse and how that was affecting their relationship. This couple was able to communicate, forgive each other and move forward.

A second couple, Julio and Gabrielle (not their real names) were not so lucky. Julio started ‘sexting’ with another woman he met online just after the birth of his daughter. He had been unhappy with Gabrielle for some time however just didn’t know how to communicate his feelings. He had come from a family in which communicating feelings was highly discouraged. So while his wife was pregnant and tired a good portion of the time, Julio was online looking for some attention.

At first, things were very mild. He sent a few texts here and there just looking to see if other women were interested. However, once his daughter was born, Julio spent a lot of time on his phone. He ‘sexted’ with a particular woman with whom he had a connection at work and in the car. He also deleted all of the messages because he didn’t want his wife to become suspicious or to find them ‘by accident.’ So he was able to keep up this front for some time…a good 6 months.

However, one day he wasn’t so careful. Julio forgot to delete some messages and his wife looked at his phone while she was up in the middle of the night feeding the baby. She was appalled and devastated at what she found. Gabrielle chose not to say anything right away because she wanted to see if she could catch him or get him to admit to this behavior. And one day she was able to do just that. She found him in the bathroom taking pictures of his genitals and sending the pictures & messages. She confronted him on the spot and but he denied ever meeting up with this woman. Gabrielle realized that they needed some serious help and sought therapy.

She communicated that she loved Julio and wanted to keep their marriage intact but was not going to accept this type of behavior from him. Julio was able to finally, after some encouragement, to communicate that he had been unhappy with Gabrielle for years. He stated that he only married her because she had become pregnant with his daughter but he didn’t feel that the two of them were very compatible. She also found out in therapy that Julio had lied about meeting up with the woman that he was sending messages to and that they had been dating. It was at this point that Gabrielle and Julio decided to separate because their relationship was not reparable.

So what should you do?

If you have found yourself interested in finding attention outside your marriage or relationship, it is important to ask yourself some important questions.

What do you want to accomplish? What are your intentions? Have you found that you are not interested in maintaining your marriage or relationship? What is the reason you are trying to connect with someone else? Are you looking for some attention because you are not getting it at home? Are you seeking out something more exciting or compatible than your partner/spouse? Or is your relationship salvageable with the help of someone who can encourage better communication and engagement? Are you just looking to make you’re your partner/spouse jealous? These questions need to be answered before the relationship deteriorates past the point of no return.

If you decide that you are simply not interested in continuing with your present relationship, then some honest dialogue needs to occur with your spouse or partner. It is important to communicate your feelings and to allow this other person the opportunity to hear that the relationship is over. This allows your partner to start the process of grieving the relationship and eventually moving on. Hopefully, you are able to provide some support and compassion for your spouse or partner and allow for a more amicable separation.

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However if you have recently found out that your spouse or partner has been involved in a ‘sexting’ relationship, it is important for you to maintain composure. It is completely normal to have intense emotions regarding the situation however it will not help in the communication process. Please ask questions about this other relationship and find out about your partner’s intentions. It is important to know if your spouse or partner is interested in continuing with your relationship and ending the other one or not. It is helpful to have an objective 3rd party there to help both of you to determine in which direction you both want to travel.

Emotions will be high in either situation especially for the person that has just found out about this outside relationship. If you are too deeply hurt by your spouse or partner’s ‘sexting’ relationship to stay with him/her, then this must also be addressed. Each person deals with highly emotional situations in different ways. One couple might be able to communicate effectively even in difficult situations while another couple might not be able to be in the same room together. So it is important to know how your spouse or partner will react in this situation and find a way to come to a workable conclusion that best fits both of you.

Conclusion

Since ‘sexting’ has become such a popular activity among adults in monogamous relationships and with those that are dating based on the research provided in this article, it is important for everyone to be more knowledgeable regarding the topic. The research shows that ‘sexting’ can enhance a monogamous relationship. The case examples show two different scenarios that can ensue. If people are unhappy in their present relationship and choose to utilize ‘sexting’ to find excitement with another person, the end result could be relationship or marital dissolution.

Couples are encouraged to seek out help. A counselor, therapist or psychologist can help couples to find their way through this situation. If a relationship has been extensively damaged by ‘sexting’ (through which a physical relationship may or may not have begun), there are important feelings on both sides that need to be addressed. Depending on the desires of both people involved, these relationships can be saved but does take time to rebuild trust and confidence. Since most of these relationships consist of one (or both) persons seeking out someone else, it is vital to encourage verbal communication about the things that each person views is lacking in the relationship. Feelings need to be communicated and each partner or spouse needs to have the opportunity to express him/herself. Forgiveness plays a HUGE part in this type of situation. Each person has to ask him/herself if forgiveness is an option and if so, they can proceed toward creating a new relationship together. They can do this by spending time together and discussing how to satisfy each other’s needs. Only after these important issues have been brought up can the couple begin to move forward on a new path toward happiness.

 

Here Are The Explanation Why Your Relationship Is Fail

Is your relationship going downhill? Maintaining a relationship is not easy and most couples encounter a few bumps along the road to a lasting relationship. If not recognized earlier, these bumps could push couples to take the relationship to the wrong direction leading to break-ups or divorce. It is important to recognize these relationship killers ahead of time to avoid further damage. There are reasons why relationships fail and once these reasons are recognized ahead of time, you’ll have a better chance of saving your troubled relationship. Although no one can enumerate all the reasons why relationships fail, we have listed here the top reasons. So what are these relationship killers?

Poor or lack of communication. One way to connect with each other is for couples to have a strong and regular communication. Couples tend to drift apart due to poor or lack of communication. Many relation problems start with lack of communication. Assuming that you know what your partner or spouse is thinking is dangerous to your relationship. Misunderstandings and arguments are often the result of not communicating with your spouse or partner. If this is happening in your relationship then you should know that this is one of the reasons why relationships fail and you have to do something to improve the communication in your relationship.

Not supportive with each other’s goals, ambitions and careers. One of the reasons why relationships fail is the issues with careers and ambitions between couples. When two people in a relationship have different goals and ambitions and cannot compromise or support each other, the relationship may suffer in the end. It is given that two people naturally have different ambitions and careers to pursue but in a relationship, it is best to support each other’s interest or careers to avoid strain in the relationship. It is easier to make the relationship work with a partner or spouse who believes and supports their spouse’s or partner’s career. If 100% understanding, acceptance and support is not possible, at least a partner or spouse should be open to compromise and willing to find a work around to make both their careers and relationship work. Sacrifices and compromise is inevitable. Of course, both should know how to balance their careers with their love life. It is easier said than done but it is not impossible. There are couples who are both successful in their careers at the same time lead a happy and strong relationship.

Not getting along with your partner’s friends and family. One of the reasons why relationships fail is the conflict with people closest to your spouse or partner. Let’s face it, the world does not revolve around you and your partner alone. There are people around you like friends and families that both you and your partner cannot live without. Not getting along with people closest to your partner can put a strain in your relationship. A situation where you and your partner’s mother or best friend can’t see each other eye to eye or can’t stay in the same room can be really stressful in the relationship. Holiday dinners and family gatherings can be difficult if you are not in good terms with your spouse’s family and friends. If you want to create a long-lasting relationship with your partner, it is best to get along with people important to him or her.

Life’s issues and baggage. There are life’s baggage and issues when brought to a relationship can cause damage. A lingering ex can ignite jealousy, suspicion and distrust that can put a strain in your current relationship, so it is best to be clear with your ex that everything is already in the past and that you are serious with your current relationship. Comparing your current relationship with your previous relationships is also dangerous and damaging to your relationship. Children and issues from previous marriage can be challenging and can also affect your relationship so it important to know how to handle these things and make your current relationship work. One of the reasons why relationships fail is the failure to deal with your life’s issues and baggage.

Money issues. Financial issues is one of the reasons why relationships fail. If not addressed properly, money issues can kill your relationship. The stress brought by financial woes and struggles can eventually ruin a relationship. People or couples stressed with financial issues can become irritable, irrational, hostile and cold with their spouse or partner and these behaviors can slowly kill a relationship. It is best to be honest from the start about your financial status, be open to discuss each other’s spending habits, money sharing and expenses. With effective and open-minded communication, strategies and compromise about money, a financially challenged couple can work things out and can save their marriage.

Infidelity. Keeping a relationship between two people is hard enough but involving a third party or cheating a partner is a bomb that can instantly kill a relationship. Infidelity is the ultimate relationship destroyer and some relationships won’t be able to survive this. Betraying the trust of your partner is one of the top reasons why relationships fail. The feeling of being replaced or being betrayed is not easy to cope with and so the betrayed spouse or partner often walk out of the relationship. Although there are couples who were able to survive cheating and make the relationship work again, it is best to not to commit infidelity in the first place if you want a long-lasting relationship.

Disgusting behaviors and habits. Although it is true that loving someone includes accepting all his or her flaws, in reality there are habits that can become annoying over time and can push your partner to wake up one day and realize he or she wants to get out of the relationship. Even simple things like not putting back the toothpaste cap, not making the bed, not putting the soiled laundry in the laundry bin or leaving dirty shoes and socks around the house can be magnified if things are not going well in your relationship and these can trigger your partner to finally end the relationship. Nagging, being a war freak, fighting in public, humiliating your spouse or partner, name calling or cursing when arguing, holding on grudges, hitting your spouse or partner when you are angry, throwing things when arguing, too much or unreasonable jealousy, avoiding discussions about the issues in your relationship, lying or being dishonest with your spouse or partner are some of the bad behaviors that can damage a relationship and could lead to break-ups or divorce. Being in a relationship should teach couples to be better people and not become worse so it is better to change for the better to create a strong relationship than acquire unfavorable habits or behaviors that can eventually damage your relationship.

Things in your relationship becomes a routine. The fire and excitement in the relationship could die because you became too comfortable or complacent with each other that things become more of a routine than an act of love. You become more like siblings or friends than lovers. Being too comfortable with each other takes away the excitement and the romance in the relationship and it makes the relationship boring and a routine. When couples do the same things together over and over again, they stopped growing as an individual and as a partner. Break the routine and spice up your relationship. There are things and interests that you can do separately to grow as a person and there are things that you can do together to bond with each other. It is important to allow your spouse or partner to have his or her own space to do his or her own thing or enjoy the company of his or her friends but it is also important to have time alone with each other through regular dates or vacations to bond with each other and create new and exciting memories.

Lack of intimacy and sex. Life can become too busy and complicated that couples may end up too busy or stressed for intimacy or sex which is not a good thing in a relationship. Couples need to connect intimately emotionally and physically and the best thing to do it is through sex. Sex could dry up in a long-term relationship and couples tend to have less sex through the years. Couples should prevent this from happening. Lack of intimacy or sexual dissatisfaction is one of the reasons why relationships fail. When couples stop having sex, they tend to get disconnected and detached from each other and they become susceptible to infidelity. It is best for couples to maintain an active sex life to keep the connection and make the relationship more alive and exciting. Although it is important to maintain an intimate connection with your partner through regular sex, couples should know that it is not good to put pressure on your spouse or partner to engage in frequent sex. You don’t have to have sex everyday but there are studies saying that having regular sex once a week is ideal and enough to maintain that intimate connection between couples. There are many hindrances to accomplish this like stress at work, stress in everyday life, taking care of the children and the state where you are not in the mood for sex but like any other issue in your relationship, the frequency and timing of having sex should be discussed and planned. Intimate connection through sex is vital in every romantic relationship and when couples are not having enough connection through sex, they have to do something to fix this problem to save the relationship.

Foundation Of Healthy Relationship

In this time it becomes necessary to address issues affecting relationships. There is a high rate of divorce and relationship uncertainty. The home as the back bone of any society has been neglected over the years, the major stabilizers for this institution are the women folks, and how have they prioritized the home. What are their values, what is their ultimate goal? Most women place their priority on career, personal ambitions and others. Marriage is the least of their priority. This is one of the reasons why there is inadequate preparation before marriage. This explains why there is increase in divorce and failed relationships. Here we look at the foundation of a healthy relationship.

This article is meant for serious minded people not people who go into relationship for fun, such people hop in and out of relationships degrading the sanctity of relationship and undermining the values of what relationship should be; thy abuse it and lead many sincere innocent women and men into emotional despair and frustration.

Here I’m talking to people who intend to build a home. Not fakes, not pretenders, not use and dump. They are reasons why relationships fail one of it is lack of preparation. Marriage is the only institution that you have admission without writing exams or given a test, even when they do, they do not practice what there were taught. This has also affected many marriages and home in general. Certain principles have been ignored, we are in a world where men search for women to get married but can’t find, most men talk of “marriage material” what does this imply? On the other hand, most women will not get into marriage with any kind of person, they don’t get into marriage for the sake of it; they seek for marriage with dignity and self respect. Women seem not to prioritize marriage in the early age of their life, but it becomes a thing of almost importance in their later years of their life.

It’s time to change such mentality, being married does not change your ideology, rather early planning gives you ample opportunities to make the right choice, “one who will share in your dreams and aspiration”.

Every relationship has its own rules and policy, unfortunately that of marriage has been undermined; basically there are certain things you need to know before venturing into any relationship. It is necessary that you get prepared

1. Are you prepared for any relationship?

Most people go into a relationship for the fun of it or felt somehow they need a date. Going into a relationship without having clear reasons, or for selfish motive does not define your person. The attitude you portray today goes a long way to shape your future. If you are not prepared for any relationship, do not get into it no matter the circumstances, for young girls don’t ever think of “boyfriend/girlfriend issues” there are the things that may eventually destroy you, I always advice young ladies that the best age for marriage is 21 to 25. However, for whichever reason you choose to delay, preparation is the foundation for any successful relationship. Are you ready? How satisfied are you in such circumstance? You just have to be yourself; it must not be based on what someone said, or pressure from the opposite sex or any other. When you compromise against your wish, you bare the pains alone when the ill wind of relationship start blowing on you, no matter how people may seem to comfort you, you bare the pains alone. As a young lady work with age limit, dating should not exceed two years. which means you should only consider men who are ready for marriage,it may sound strange, study shows that people who date for more than two years have 70% chances that they might likely break up, it also lead to unwanted pregnancy and having children out of wedlock. Love is not just emotions it is also the ability to choose what you want, when you allow love to over shadow your ability and character you lost the ability to think right and make good decisions, you become blind. When love becomes blind, you know what that means. A blind man has no direction and can only be led by someone who sees. Preparation enables you to avoid bit falls.

2. Choose the right person

This is one of the most difficult aspects when it comes to relationships. The truth is you only know who a person is in times of adversity. Human are complex in nature, in relationships it’s not really about perfection but the ability to accommodate someone, accepting someone’s short coming the way it is, this is because you have two different people from different backgrounds. These are the factors you have to consider, because the person you think is an angel can turn up to be what you never imagined.

No matter how complex it may be “you know what you want” no matter the nature of things and the circumstance you may find yourself in, there are factors that may lead you to achieve good result. There are patience, watching and prayers. When you rush into a relationship you might likely rush out or live in pain; I have always advised that you wait a while. At this time friendship becomes necessary, but not too close, it all allows you the privilege of knowing new things and making new discovery.

3. Are you compatible?

No matter the emotions and pressure, be yourself; never say “yes” until you have “sorted out things” the only way to know how compatible you are is to become friends. What do you really want? What are your dreams, are you comfortable with his job, his way of life?

Be sure about your compatibleness, is not right to build up hopes, is really frustrating when you start regretting why you accepted such relationship. When you are not compatible you may likely have relationships problem which may lead to break up, when you start getting along having discussions it enables you both to know each other, then you will be able to know if you can live together.

4. Your reasons

Your motives, your thoughts and your overall reason will determine how healthy your relationship will be. This area is very important, when you fail to sort this out you might end up having heart breaks, you may not have confident in yourselves. Are you going into a relationship for beauty, wealth? Whichever reasons; what happens when what you hoped for fails you? To be on safe quad it should be for one reason “love” do you love him? Does he love you?

Material things are sometimes temporal when they fail that might be the end of such relationship. When you look at material things chance are that you might likely meat “fakes” deceivers, those who pretend to be what they are not. In the end they become your worst enemies. When you define what you want and be patient enough, you will know who they are. Your reasons should be genuine. In as much as you need a responsible man, love is the principal thing.

5. Is love involved?

In that regard you take more time and access yourself if your affection is based on love. The worst relationship is that without love. If you do not have true love, don’t venture into any relationship. Love is the foundation: the holy bible says; love covers transgressions, therefore in times of adversities true love keeps two people together. The person you are interested to; does he love you? What are his motives? When you give him sometime it will go a long way to show who he really is.

6. Be open

Openness in any relationship breeds trust. You must have to be truthful to yourselves. If you want peace, develop self confidence in yourself, first expression matters a lot, do not try to please anybody, keep no secret. Be yourself, it is better to break up early than to mess up yourself.

The beauty of any relationship is trust. Trust has its own foundation, trust and love work hand in hand. There are the things that make a relationship healthy; not trusting someone is also the foundation of problems in any relationship. If you can’t trust, you can’t keep a relationship, any relationship without trust is full of problems you can never be in peace in such relationship if you want peace trust, be sincere.

7. Know your values

Is very common these days that people go into a relationship without putting into consideration what defines them. When you define what your values are; you come to terms.

Self esteem is very important it produces your worth. How does your friend regard you? The way and manner you present yourself to someone will determine how much regard he has for you. When you make yourself so cheap you give room to undue attractions for anyone to hop in and out your life. Dress yourself to be yourself. Women of great value do not dress for attraction; they dress for dignity and self esteem. When you ignore the basics and allow certain things to influence your character, at the end you force yourself for marriage. You must also understand the different between lust and love as a lady, you must have principles that guide you when you are in a relationship, and you come together and define your values. Understanding who you are as a people will go a long way to eliminate gender inequality in a relationship. When you know your values you protect it.

8. Be quick to solve problems

In section seven we talked about values. Protecting your values is one of the basics to problem solving in any relationship, values produces respect defines boundaries and limits.

No matter the gravity of the issues involved, you must understand your limits. Every relationship has its own problem. The way it is approached and handled is what matters; when two people are together they must put certain things into consideration when ever problem arises. You must understand that there is no problem that worth destroying your relationship/marriage, admit your faults, be quick to say am sorry, be quick to solve problems, avoid third party in your relationship. (The only third party is God) don’t throw blames handle issues with humility, pride comes before destruction. When you are angry work away for a while, when your partner refuses to see reasons accept the blame, it takes nothing from you. But in good times advice he/she on the matter, it builds relationship. The issues of misunderstanding and pride should be looked at during courtship. Pride is what destroys any relationship, what you cannot deal with during courtship; you can’t handle it in marriage. When you discover an attitude you cannot cope with is better you quit. Never go into a relationship to change anyone.

9. Take responsibilities

You must show yourself to be responsible enough; a well coordinated organized relationship has less troubles. You must be responsible.

As a lady learn to fulfill your primary responsibilities, both partners must understand their goals this will enable the ideal partner to compliment you and support you to fulfill your dreams. Taking responsibilities will help you drive your goals together, it helps strengthen growth and corporation, when this is in existence you see yourself as partners working together to achieve a particular objectives – you see yourselves working for the good of each other and the future.

As a lady, it is good that you work to also complement your man. But if the man felt is not necessary,” you let it be”

As far as he is capable of taking care of the family, this is acceptable to avoid problems; you have many other ways of contributing to the well being of the home. Private business is acceptable at this time.

10. Spend time together

Spending time together is one of the finest ingredients that spice up a relationship; any relationship that couples do not spend time together is incomplete.

In a relationship one thing complements the other. Spending time together creates oneness, intimacy and increases love and affections, no matter how your job schedule may be create time to stay together. It also helps in reducing depression build confident and trust.

 

Time To Deciding The End Of Relationship

Relationships are among of the most complex aspects of our lives, particularly long-term relationships such as marriage. Your relationships can elevate you to new heights or drag you down into the dumps.

But what if you’re somewhere in the middle?

What if your relationship is pretty good, like a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10? Should you stay, openly committing to that relationship for life? Or should you leave and look for something better, something that could become even better?

This is the dreadful state of ambivalence. You simply aren’t sure one way or the other. Maybe what you have is good enough and you’d be a fool to abandon it in search of a new relationship you may never find. Or maybe you’re seriously holding yourself back from finding a truly fulfilling relationship that would serve you well the rest of your life. Tough call.

Fortunately, there’s an excellent book that provides an intelligent process for overcoming relationship ambivalence. It’s called Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum. I read this book many years ago, and it completely changed how I think about long-term relationships.

First, the book points out the wrong way to make this decision. The wrong way is to use a balance-scale approach, attempting to weigh the pros and cons of staying vs. leaving. Of course, that’s what everyone does. Weighing the pros and cons seems logical, but it doesn’t provide you with the right kind of information you need to make this decision. There will be pros and cons in every relationship, so how do you know if yours are fatal or tolerable or even wonderful? The cons tell you to leave, while the pros tell you to stay. Plus you’re required to predict future pros and cons, so how are you going to predict the future of your relationship? Who’s to say if your problems are temporary or permanent?

Kirshenbaum’s solution is to dump the balance-scale approach and use a diagnostic approach instead. Diagnose the true status of your relationship instead of trying to weigh it on a scale. This will provide you the information you need to make an intelligent decision and to know precisely why you’re making it. If you’re ambivalent, it means your relationship is sick. So discovering the precise nature of the disease seems an intelligent place to begin.

In order to perform a relationship diagnosis, the author offers a series of 36 yes/no questions to ask yourself. Each question is explained very thoroughly with several pages of text. In fact, the diagnostic procedure is essentially the whole book.

Each question is like passing your relationship through a filter. If you pass the filter, you proceed to the next question. If you don’t pass the filter, then the recommendation is that you end your relationship. In order to achieve the recommendation that you should stay together, you must pass through all 36 filters. If even one filter snags you, the recommendation is to leave.

This isn’t as brutal as it sounds though because most of these filters will be very easy for you to pass. My guess is that out of the 36 questions, less than a third will require much thought. Hopefully you can pass filters like, “Does your partner beat you?” and “Is your partner leaving the country for good without you?” without much trouble. If not, you don’t need a book to tell you your relationship is going downhill.

The author’s recommendations are based on observing the post-decision experiences of multiple couples who either stayed together or broke up after suffering from a state of ambivalence related to one of the 36 questions. The author then watched how those relationships turned out in the long run. Did the person making the stay-or-leave decision feel s/he made the correct choice years later? If the couple stayed together, did the relationship blossom into something great or decline into resentment? And if they broke up, did they find new happiness or experience everlasting regret over leaving?

I found this concept extremely valuable, like being able to turn the page of time to see what might happen. The recommendations are based on the author’s observations and her professional opinion, so I don’t recommend you take her advice blindly. However, I personally found all of her conclusions utterly sensible and didn’t find any surprises. I doubt you’ll be terribly surprised to read that a relationship with a drug user is virtually doomed to failure. But what about a relationship with someone you don’t respect? What about a long-distance relationship? Or a relationship with a workaholic who makes 10x your income? Would you like to know how such relationships tend to work out if the couple stays together vs. if they break up?

Kirshenbaum explains that where a break-up is recommended, it’s because most people who chose to stay together in that situation were unhappy, while most people who left were happier for it. So long-term happiness is the key criteria used, meaning the happiness of the individual making the stay-or-leave decision, not the (ex-)partner.

If you’re facing a “too good to leave, too bad to stay” dilemma, I highly recommend this book. You’ll breeze through most of the filters, but you’ll probably hit a few that snag you and really make you think. But I recommend this book not just for people who aren’t sure about the status of their relationship but also those with healthy relationships who want to make it even better. This book will help you diagnose the weak points of your relationship that could lead to break-up and allow you to consciously attend to them.

Here are some diagnostic points from the book you may find valuable (these are my summaries, not the author’s exact words):

1. If God or some divine being told you it was OK to leave your relationship, would you feel relieved that you could finally leave? If your religion is the only reason you’re still together, your relationship is already long dead. Drop the self-torturing beliefs and choose happiness. Living together physically but not in your heart isn’t going to fool any divine being anyway, nor is it likely to fool anyone else around you. Leave the hypocrisy behind, and take off.

2. Are you able to get your needs met in the relationship without too much difficulty? If it takes too much effort to get your needs met, then your relationship is doing you more harm than good. Leave.

3. Do you genuinely like your partner, and does your partner seem to genuinely like you? If you don’t mutually like each other, you don’t belong together.

4. Do you feel a unique sexual attraction to your partner? If there’s no spark, there’s no point in staying.

5. Does your partner exhibit any behavior that makes the relationship too difficult for you to stay in, and do you find your partner is either unwilling or incapable of changing? Results matter far more than intentions. If your partner behaves in a way that’s intolerable to you, then permanent change is a must, or you need to leave. Example: “Quit smoking for good in 30 days, or I’m gone.” Trying to tolerate the intolerable will only erode your self-esteem, and you’ll see yourself as stronger in the past than in the present.

6. Do you see yourself when you look in your partner’s eyes? A metaphor… if you don’t sense a strong compatibility with your partner, you’re better off with someone else.

7. Do you and your partner each respect each other as individuals? No mutual respect = time to leave.

8. Does your partner serve as an important resource for you in a way that you care about? If your partner does little to enhance your life and you wouldn’t lose anything important to you by leaving, then leave. You’ll break even by being on your own and gain tremendously by finding someone else who is a resource to you.

9. Does your relationship have the demonstrated capacity for forgiveness? If you can’t forgive each other’s transgressions, then resentment will gradually replace love. Leave.

10. Do you and your partner have fun together? A relationship that’s no fun is dead. Leave.

11. Do you and your partner have mutual goals and dreams for your future together? If you aren’t planning to spend your future together, something’s terribly wrong. Take off.

These questions drive home the point that a relationship should enhance your life, not drain it. At the very least, you should be happier in the relationship than outside it. Even if a break-up leads to a messy divorce with complex custody arrangements, Kirshenbaum points out that in many situations, that can still lead to long-term happiness whereas staying in a defunct relationship almost surely prevents it.

Some of the diagnostic points might seem overly harsh in terms of recommending leaving in situations you might find salvageable. A relationship, however, requires the effort and commitment of both partners. One person can’t carry it alone. Even though you might come through with a miraculous save (such as by turning around an abusive relationship), such attempts are usually doomed to failure, and even where they succeed, they may take such a tremendous toll that you ultimately feel they weren’t worth the effort. You could be much happier in a new relationship (or living alone) instead of investing so much time trying to save a relationship that’s dragging you down. You’ll do a lot more good giving yourself to someone who’s more receptive to what you have to offer and who genuinely appreciates you for it. If you’re spending your relationship fighting resistance more than sharing love, you’re probably better off letting it go and embracing a relationship that will provide greater mutual rewards for less work.

You may find it revealing to apply these diagnostic questions to a broader set of human relationships, such as your relationships with your boss and co-workers. Perhaps you can skip the sexual attraction one… but mutual respect, fun, shared goals, tolerable behavior, getting your needs met, etc. all apply perfectly well to career-oriented relationships. For example, if your boss avoids you when you try to discuss your future with the company, I’d say that’s a very bad sign for one of you.

Don’t confuse the question of whether or not you should leave your current relationship with how you might find a new relationship. If it’s clear that your current relationship should end, then end it. Once you’re on your own again, then you can (re)develop the skills needed to attract a new partner. It’s unlikely you’ll be in a place to assess your chances of entering a new relationship while you’re still in one. For one, everyone around you will perceive you as unavailable while you’re still in a relationship, so you won’t be able to get a clear sense of where you stand until you’re free of that.

A proper diagnosis may also convince you that your relationship is indeed too good to leave. That situation may last your entire life, or it may change at some point. You can’t control all the variables. But at least you’ll have a method for deciding if you can commit to your relationship in the present moment or if you should be making plans to end it.

In any relationship, choose at the very least to achieve your own happiness.

 

Relationship Without Regret

Most of us have a few regrets about our relationships. That’s just life.

This article is about how you can learn from your regrets and use them to strategically build exceptional relationships . . . relationships that are so good you won’t have future regrets in your personal or professional life . . . relationships that will reward you with great happiness.

No Regret Relationships

I got the idea for “No Regret Relationships” from one of the hardest experiences of my life – a near death experience. As I lay in my hospital bed recovering from the tragic event that almost took my life, I realized the utter importance of relationships . . . and I suddenly understood I had never given my relationships enough attention . . .

Nor had I been as loving and caring as I wished.

So I developed a plan to enhance all my current relationships and to make the most of future relationships. While doing this, I developed a relationship coaching program to help my clients create the most satisfying and enjoyable relationships possible. The following brief ideas are taken from my no-regret relationship coaching program.

How To Conduct No Regret Relationships

1. Put your relationships first.

2. Live your life in such a way as you will not harm anyone. In other words, simply do no harm in your relationships. Conduct all relationships in a manner so you will do right by everyone, even if they are unkind to you.

Yes, this is harder than it sounds, but it’s possible . . . if you set this lofty but attainable goal, and really go after it, you can do it.

If you apply this idea to all forms of communication in your relationships, your relationships will become intensely more satisfying!

2. Accept responsibility for your actions, admit you are wrong, apologize and take swift and certain steps to make a bad relationship better. If you accidentally do harm or make a mistake in your relationships, fix it immediately.

3. Prevent regrets. That means you will actively care for your relationships and keep them in such good working order that you allow no regrets to occur.

You won’t put off relationship responsibilities.

You will enjoy remarkably healthy relationships that will bring you endless benefits when you do your best by each and every relationship in your life . . . and if your life suddenly ended, you would leave without regret . . . because all your relationships would be in tip-top shape. This would bring new meaning to the process of death and dying . . . and incredible peace of mind.

Think of it, all the people in your life would be better in some way because of you!

You would leave a legacy of excellent, loving relationships . . . and through those relationships you would leave the world a better place. Many ripples would go out from those relationships, ripples affecting many situations and people. Through your relationships, both more important and less important, you would make a significant impact upon the affairs of others.

Above all, you would leave a marvelous example of how to live and love and serve. You would be a relationship benefactor to many, whose loving acts would impact countless others.

Unquestionably your positive influence would live on long after you.

4. Inject a newfound generosity and kindness into your relationships, and think of every relationship as having the potential to change lives. Love and relationships are the pathways of our expression. Relationships are the means by which we express our love.

5. Listen with every ounce of your energy when people share themselves with you. Listening from your heart takes courage, will power and self-discipline, but it does wonders for people! And it will do wonders for you, if you listen to discover new ways you can contribute to your relationships.

Listening with great focus and energy allows you to explore ways you could not only give more to your relationships, but become more thoughtful and appreciative, or find small but creative ways to touch lives.

The beauty of the ideas behind No Regret Relationships is their simplicity and power. And they work! They’ve worked for many of my clients, and they’ll work for you, too.

My near death experience showed me just how important our relationships truly are . . . and how priceless! Also, it gave me a refreshing perspective on death and dying. One that has helped me to see relationships as precious and sacred cargo.

Give to your relationships and they will give to you unimaginable treasures.

Take these techniques for a test drive. What a favorable impact they’ll have on your relationships, great or small.

Richard Hamon is a dynamic coach and therapist with 30 years of professional experience. Richard helps people to solve their relationship problems, enjoy truly extraordinary marriages and find exceptional success in all areas of their lives.

You’ll find all kinds of articles on how to spice up your relationships and lead a happier life at Richard’s website, Happy-Relationships.com. Find out about personal coaching programs to assist you in quickly reaching your loftiest goals. Discover eBooks, relaxation CDs and other informative products, such as a free relationship quiz to help you assess your relationship.

 

Tips Everlasting Relationship

Happiness – why we want to be in love and in a relationship. Better why we choose one partner over another and stay loyal and faithful. Faster the incredible opportunity the right relationship presents at a deep, soul, spiritual level: fulfilling our ambitions – Faster.

Five contact points

1. Faster: Physical and Financial Attraction. Pleasure and Fulfilment come faster.

2. Better: Mental Attraction – Compare your partner to anyone else and there is no better.

3. Happier: Soul and Emotional Love Attraction – A Deep sense of Perfection.

LET”S START WITH FASTER:

If being with you makes my life slower, makes my aches and pains last longer, makes my emotional downers harder to recover from, makes my career slow down, my plans delayed, my vision extend out for more years, am I going to remain committed to a relationship with you?

We have to recognise here that relationships are based on getting what we want. They’re all about love and attraction too, we’ll discuss that in a minute, but at the core essence of human existence at the most spiritual levels of heart and soul is, yes, getting what we want. The more we have, in whatever form, the more we can contribute. Nobody wakes up wanting less – (unless it’s stress).

Relationships succeed because you are getting what you want, when you want it, and you’re getting it more, and faster than you were before. And, yes, I hear the negative implication of orgasms and so on, well think it through before you shoot the messenger. Do you think, you’ll stay happy in a relationship if you can get sex faster and easier with a stranger than you can with your partner. People do not gravitate to hard work, or more difficulty. Faster is king and queen of the spiritual realm and relationships at the spiritual realm last forever.

Let’s not limit this conversation to sex. Although we could easily do so. Let’s add wealth, lets add sport goals, and social friendship roles, career ambitions and humanitarian responsibilities. Do you think we gravitate toward or away from things that slow those down? We gravitate away – it’s the Soul of Humanity to strive toward betterment, a better world, a better life, better strength to contribute – which often means more simplicity, more technology, more refined process. It NEVER means more trouble, more difficulty and certainly not, longer periods of waiting. NEVER.

Faster recovery from emotional upset, faster process toward your goals (include financial), faster process for sexual and personal pleasure and more of your ambitions achieved in a shorter period of time. Link this to your relationship and you’ll have magnetism. Find a disconnect and you’ll start to lose the libido and communication that makes love grow.

I’m sure you can list a thousand situations you’ve observed where, in the desire for a better relationship, one or both partners have actually put the brakes on their partner’s ambitions in career or sport or fun, or even philanthropic ambitions, and as such killed the relationship. One lady, partnered a guy who was an aspiring musician with a great full time job to pay his lifestyle. She bought into his life romance and inspiration which added value to his ambition to be a great musician but she was so emotionally self absorbed, his mind and heart we continually distracted by her emotional upset over her children (past marriage), her ex, her life, her health, that in spite of the love that guy had for her, he just drew down to protect his SOUL mission of music. This is nature, protecting her own.

THE SECOND STEP TO SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS IS – BETTER

COMPARISON is Nature. Nature compares, so do you. The minute you compare your partner to another person and think that the other person would be a better partner than the one you’re with, you’re unhappy. And that’s the end of it.

Comparison is critical but the outcome is not predetermined. It’s you. If you’re generous, positive, kind and appreciative of your partner every other person who comes into range of sight, touch, smell, thought, sound, tastes must be subordinate to them. That’s it,your partner is BETTER than all your other options. and you do have many including being single.

Compromise means others would be better and that’s the most relationship killing, libido depreciating, personally rejecting, heart closing, head banging state of mind a human can bring to another person. You’re second best and I’m prepared to suffer it. That’s compromise, and it’s the first nail in the coffin of happiness.

This relationship you are in has to be perceived as far better than anything else. If you perceive being single as better than this relationship, then you’re depreciating the person you’re with and hurting them subconsciously. If you’re thinking that compromise is ok, then just wait and see how those thoughts eventually sabotage your relationship.

Being in this relationship must be perceived as the best place for you to be. No seconds or thirds. It achieves this status because you choose to think those things, and if you choose not to, then the end is near, eventually.

BETTERMENT is the Deeper Spirit of relationship and if this relationship isn’t the best betterment, then it won’t last unless you change your mindset.

If you don’t get this one, then something is really wrong. People come to a relationship to me BETTER. They don’t come to a relationship to SUSTAIN what they already have. Whatever they had outside or before this relationship or could have without this relationship, needs to be IMPROVED by this relationship. BETTER is MAGNETISM and nobody will cheat or defeat BETTER.

THE THIRD STEP – HAPPY

We all know that “making someone happy” is impossible. An unhappy person is unhappy and no relationship on earth is going to change that, right? We are on the same page? Most people think a relationship is going to make them happy, but that’s a week, month or a year at the tops. Unhappy people are unhappy, in and out of a relationship. Oh, and by the way, Happy people don’t get Unhappy because of the relationship. The fact is some people just don’t know how unhappy they are until they get into a relationship that cuts off their escape routes.

So, here’s the real rub for long term relationship success in Happiness.

YOU HAVE TO BE HAPPY.. Yeah baby, it’s you. Not your partner, not your relationship, that’s nothing to do with it. YOU have to be happy and the most important thing you have to be happy about, is nothing.

Now, you might be confused, so, here’s a bit more information on this. Being happy because you get, got, have, or had something is physical and understandable so lets label that PLEASURE. Pleasure of the physical nature can come and go, as we all know. So, it’s really dumb to label HAPPY with the derivation of pleasure. If pleasure comes and goes, then so will our happiness. We’re like a donkey chasing a carrot on a stick or a cat chasing its tail. This is a definite burnout model for relationships.

HAPPY people ARE HAPPY. No cause.

So, HAPPY in relationship means HAPPY in LIFE means HAPPY in SELF. A miserable person might be attracted to a Happy relationship but eventually that misery, that internal emotional dialogue infects the relationship and that’s the end of romance.

People become as you think about them. If you’re appreciating your partner, appreciating them (BETTER) and seeing that, they are helping you live your DESTINY FASTER you have the first part of successful relationship. But the third element, HAPPY, has nothing to do with your partner or your RELATIONSHIP.

Happy is up to you and it is, without question, the most challenging.

Sometimes people think that Making Someone Happy, will make them want to be with us. That’s is not exactly true. If we are already happy before we meet someone, then everything we do will make them happy, it’s infectious. But if we are not happy and we try to make others happy, the real hope is that by making them happy, they’ll return the favour. This fails.

The most Narcissistic thing we can do is to CHANGE OTHERS TO MAKE THEM HAPPY. The most altruistic thing we can do is to CHANGE OURSELVES TO BE HAPPY, because this happiness is infectious and then, it doesn’t matter so much how we serve the world – our happiness guarantees goodness comes from it.

This is ironic because rather than changing your partner, trying to make them happy, you swing it around and choose to make you happy without things. In other words happy without a BECAUSE.

If you find yourself saying, I am happy today, because…..a, b, c, d, then you’ve just created the opportunity to sink in unhappiness without…..a, b, c, d.

Your happiness – no matter what happens, leads to the best relationship and all the great spiritual literature the emotion you show toward someone is actually what you get back, so, if you’re happy, really happy – regardless – then that is the most powerful way to cause their happiness. SUSTAINING THE ATTRACTION – FIVE POINTS OF CONTACT

When we meet someone and merge into a relationship there are certain attractions we are not aware of, and as these discount, we lose that original attraction. Then relationships fail.

Here, we list for you those original attractions, they come from five contact points of relationship. Any one contact point can cause attraction but all have influence. So, for example, we might enter a relationship based on one of the five contact points, then, all the other four are not important. As long as we sustain the intensity of that one contact point we can live without the others. But over time, that living without, is almost impossible.

 

The Meaning Of Relationship

I was recently having a conversation with a friend of mind who is much older. She got involved with a gentleman in which after being in a “relationship” for a few weeks they broke up. She was shocked to find that only a few weeks after breaking up with her that he was in a “relationship” with someone else.

This was mind blowing to her because she is like me in many ways. She just does not jump into a relationship easily. For myself, I think I have had about 2 boyfriends in my life. Both boyfriends I introduced to my family and I was very serious about. This is not to say that I did not date, because I have, but boyfriends and dating are two very different things.

For myself, I will date someone, and in the process of dating them I will determine if I would like to get more serious with them or not. Meaning, I like to determine if they are boyfriend material while dating them. I state this fact, all to say this. Both men and women of this generation need to understand what relationships are and what they are not.

Anyone can say that they are in a relationship. However it takes true work to be in a relationship. What a relationships is not, is you finding someone being attracted to them and calling them your boyfriend or girlfriend. Then after a month or so, you find out you do not really like them, and then you jump to someone else and that person is now your boyfriend or girlfriend.

This is something that my friend seem to be shocked about. She takes her relationships very seriously and those that she is in a relationship with, she deems them as someone that she is going to be with for a long time for the purpose of moving into something more serious.

Although this is how it should be, this is not how it is. Both men and women will jump from person to person stating that they are in a relationship not knowing what it really takes to be in a relationship. True relationships are beyond self satisfaction and getting your rocks off for the moment. True relationships can be fulfilling if you let them, I am convinced that so many go bad because people do not know what true relationships are.

Relationships are not about you. This is a common mistake that people make. They get into relationships because they want to be fulfilled, because they are looking for someone to make them better, because they want, they want, they want. This is not to say that when you are in a relationships that these things do not happen, but you are not the focal point of a relationship.

Relationships are about a mutual understanding of one another. Coming together for a purpose that enriches both lives and also fulfills your purpose. Does this make sense?

Some people who enter relationships are not really ready for relationships. To be in a true relationships you need to have your stuff together. This does not mean that you need to be a millionaire. But it means that you should be self sufficient.

For men, this means that you do not need to be living with your mother, unemployed, and not taking care of the 15 children that you have by 9 different women. If you are not taking care of your own responsibilities, the last thing you need is a women to add on to more responsibilities that you have. And for women, if a man is not taking care of himself and his kids, then why would you want to be with him any way.

This was the case with the friend I mentioned above. When she first told me about her potential man, he was not seeing any of his kids nor did he have a relationship with this children. I tried to explain to her that being romantically involved with him was the last thing that she needed to do at this time. Make him get his crap together first. This type of behavior symbolizes a flaw in his character. If he does not have enough sense to take care of his own self, what makes you think that he can fulfill responsibilities as a man and potential husband to you.

The bigger issue is that women do not know what to look for. This or that they are to hungry for a man that they are willing to overlook his shortcomings all to say that they are in a relationship. Then they are shocked a few weeks, months, or years down the line when the man disappoints them. Did they not see this coming? He was a disappointment when you meant him? Why did you think you were going to change him?

For men, why look for women who do not take care of their kids or do not have their stuff together. And even worse, have more kids by them and then you are shocked when they are a bad mother. They were a bad mother when you got with them. Did you not see the writing on the wall?

People get on me because I am single. But I am confident, and get offers on a regular basis. But as a single mother, I have to look beyond the idea of being in a relationship and think to myself, is this person really good for me? Will this person be a good man and potential husband or would they just be an added burden?

Yes they may look good, they may even talk good, but actions speak louder than words. Look at their life, their past history, look at what they do over what they say and this is what would tell you if they are a fit person to be in a relationship with or not.

In today’s world, 50% of marriage end in divorce. This is for many reasons. But mainly it is because people do not really know who they are marrying. They are so busy putting on a facade, or looking at the physical and do not reflect on if the person fits into their long term plan.

God taught me this lesson which is why I needed to slow my role on dating. He told me

“Sophia, why do you even give half these men the time of day? Get to really know them first. Do not pay attention to the nice words they are speaking or what they promise. Find out who they really are, and then you will find out if they are the one of you.”

This may sound like a none humble thing to say, but God has shown be what He wants me to be and what He wants me to do. And since then every person that I go with, I see if they fit into that plan. There are certain things about men that I must have. I do not like men who lie, cheat, steal, who have a bad moral character, and those who are not Christian. Before I use to entertain such men, but then I found that there was no point. These are the things that I require from a man, and therefore, if they do not have these characteristics, no matter how fine are, or how much their 8 packs looks good to me; I rather pass.

I want a man that is after God first and foremost. Not just one that goes to church and fakes the funk stating they are Christian but there is nothing in their personal life that resembles God.

I am not saying that all women should be like me, but I am so tired of women condoning none sense out of men. Allowing men to bounce between them, and fighting each other over a no good man. What world do we live in?

I am tired of seeing men talk about how their women cheat on them and how much of a bad women she is. I know they saw her posing half naked on Instagram, with man number 1, 2, and 3. Why would she change that because she is with you?

A lot of relationships issues can be prevented if you refuse to get into the relationships in the first place. A lot of men when learn to man up if women stop fighting one another over a sorry behind man and leave him alone to get his life together. A lot of men would avoid trifling behind women if they look beyond her breast and butt implants and actually observe how she lives her life and see that she is trifling.

I am not saying that you cannot look for outward appearance for the person that you are with, but look for something deeper than that. If a person has a history of having a relationships of 3 months and moving on to the next. This is a red flag. Something is wrong with this. You do not need to waste the next 3 months of your life entering into a relationships with a person where you can clearly see that something is wrong here.
When you get into a relationship with someone, it is not your job to fix them and try to mold them into the person they are meant to be. Leave that up to them and God. If God cannot do it for them, then please know you certainly cannot make them into the man or women that you want them to be.

Just think about it, which one is worse. Wasting your precious time and effort on someone trying to make them into a person you want to marry. Only to be disappointed in the end. Or find someone who is already a good man or woman, and the two of you growing together making each other better in the process. Think about it.

 

Guide To Make Your Ideal Relationship

We all have preconceived notions about relationships. Our parents model them for us when we are young, and we read about couples in books and see them on TV and in movies. Yet, while everyone grows up forming his or her own picture of the perfect relationship, very little, if any, of this picture comes from an individual’s wants and desires. Therefore, we create relationships based on what society wants. In other words, we subconsciously and unintentionally act like we think we are supposed to act, in regard to what our partner and everyone else wants, as opposed to what feels good to us. Unfortunately, this causes many people to lose their sense of self when in an intimate relationship.

Being in a same-sex relationship has not spared me of society’s relationship norms. It took me years to figure out that I wanted something different. While past relationship experiences were somewhat satisfying, they did not provide me with everything I desired. As I began to reflect on my unsatisfying relationships, I asked myself the first of two questions: “Why were my relationships only mediocre?” I realized it was because I was socialized to perceive any relationship a certain way-without considering my own wants and desires. Each relationship had to meet specific criteria based on what I had observed and learned growing up. We all grow up with spoken and unspoken rules about relationships. For example, I remember hearing that it’s improper to live with someone before getting married. (Thank God I listened to my heart instead of my head on this one! Otherwise, I would have been forty-nine before I lived with someone!) Here are a sampling of other rules that I observed growing up in the 1960s and 1970s.

• The woman does the household duties while the man goes to work.

• Men only do masculine household chores (shoveling snow, mowing the grass, and so on).

Thank goodness I grew up during a time when women were questioning-and still question-these gender stereotypes. However, there are a host of other unspoken rules that have nothing to do with gender. For example, many people believe married couples should live in the same home. Although this is a commonly held belief of what it means to be in a relationship, it may not allow people to be at their best. I have multiple friends who are married but do not share a home. This works for them! They are happier with each other having created their own picture of what a relationship can be.

Still, because of societal expectations, each of us brings thousands of beliefs into an intimate relationship. Here are some more examples. Feel free to add ones that speak to you.

• Couples have to take their vacations together.

• Couples have to like each other’s friends.

• Couples have sex all the time-forever.

• Partners are clairvoyant about each other’s thoughts and feelings.

• All couples have to have children. (As a matter of fact, the myth is that having children strengthens the bond between the couple.)

• Couples who really love each other don’t fight or disagree.

• It’s the job of each person in a relationship to make the other person happy.

• Marriage is forever.

As I considered these spoken and unspoken rules and my less-than-desirable relationships, a second question arose: “What do I want from an intimate relationship?” Investigating my personal desires and dreams in this way liberated me. It allowed me to not only think outside the box but ditch the box entirely. Through this freedom, I was allowed to create the relationship I truly wanted. I wanted a relationship that was mutual. My ideal relationship was one where both people regularly practiced and experienced love and belonging. I drew inspiration from Brené Brown (2010), author of The Gifts of Imperfection, who cites bell hooks “To begin by always thinking of love as an action rather than a feeling is one way in which anyone using the word in this manner automatically assumes accountability and responsibility” (pg. 27). It was critically important for me to be in a relationship where I could share myself from a very authentic place; in this place, I could share all my peculiarities and imperfections and still feel love and belonging in the relationship. Additionally, I always wanted my partner to feel safe enough to do the same. Lastly, for me, a phenomenal relationship has clear and honest communication and a desire to continue to grow as individuals and as a couple. When I framed what I wanted in this way, the opportunities around my relationship seemed endless, as long as we explored ideas together. Living this way has allowed Kim and me to create a relationship that we love and are grateful for every day.

Consider asking yourself the following questions.

• Are you in a relationship where you feel free to be yourself?

• If you asked yourself what your perfect relationship would be, what would it look like?