Foundation Of Healthy Relationship

In this time it becomes necessary to address issues affecting relationships. There is a high rate of divorce and relationship uncertainty. The home as the back bone of any society has been neglected over the years, the major stabilizers for this institution are the women folks, and how have they prioritized the home. What are their values, what is their ultimate goal? Most women place their priority on career, personal ambitions and others. Marriage is the least of their priority. This is one of the reasons why there is inadequate preparation before marriage. This explains why there is increase in divorce and failed relationships. Here we look at the foundation of a healthy relationship.

This article is meant for serious minded people not people who go into relationship for fun, such people hop in and out of relationships degrading the sanctity of relationship and undermining the values of what relationship should be; thy abuse it and lead many sincere innocent women and men into emotional despair and frustration.

Here I’m talking to people who intend to build a home. Not fakes, not pretenders, not use and dump. They are reasons why relationships fail one of it is lack of preparation. Marriage is the only institution that you have admission without writing exams or given a test, even when they do, they do not practice what there were taught. This has also affected many marriages and home in general. Certain principles have been ignored, we are in a world where men search for women to get married but can’t find, most men talk of “marriage material” what does this imply? On the other hand, most women will not get into marriage with any kind of person, they don’t get into marriage for the sake of it; they seek for marriage with dignity and self respect. Women seem not to prioritize marriage in the early age of their life, but it becomes a thing of almost importance in their later years of their life.

It’s time to change such mentality, being married does not change your ideology, rather early planning gives you ample opportunities to make the right choice, “one who will share in your dreams and aspiration”.

Every relationship has its own rules and policy, unfortunately that of marriage has been undermined; basically there are certain things you need to know before venturing into any relationship. It is necessary that you get prepared

1. Are you prepared for any relationship?

Most people go into a relationship for the fun of it or felt somehow they need a date. Going into a relationship without having clear reasons, or for selfish motive does not define your person. The attitude you portray today goes a long way to shape your future. If you are not prepared for any relationship, do not get into it no matter the circumstances, for young girls don’t ever think of “boyfriend/girlfriend issues” there are the things that may eventually destroy you, I always advice young ladies that the best age for marriage is 21 to 25. However, for whichever reason you choose to delay, preparation is the foundation for any successful relationship. Are you ready? How satisfied are you in such circumstance? You just have to be yourself; it must not be based on what someone said, or pressure from the opposite sex or any other. When you compromise against your wish, you bare the pains alone when the ill wind of relationship start blowing on you, no matter how people may seem to comfort you, you bare the pains alone. As a young lady work with age limit, dating should not exceed two years. which means you should only consider men who are ready for marriage,it may sound strange, study shows that people who date for more than two years have 70% chances that they might likely break up, it also lead to unwanted pregnancy and having children out of wedlock. Love is not just emotions it is also the ability to choose what you want, when you allow love to over shadow your ability and character you lost the ability to think right and make good decisions, you become blind. When love becomes blind, you know what that means. A blind man has no direction and can only be led by someone who sees. Preparation enables you to avoid bit falls.

2. Choose the right person

This is one of the most difficult aspects when it comes to relationships. The truth is you only know who a person is in times of adversity. Human are complex in nature, in relationships it’s not really about perfection but the ability to accommodate someone, accepting someone’s short coming the way it is, this is because you have two different people from different backgrounds. These are the factors you have to consider, because the person you think is an angel can turn up to be what you never imagined.

No matter how complex it may be “you know what you want” no matter the nature of things and the circumstance you may find yourself in, there are factors that may lead you to achieve good result. There are patience, watching and prayers. When you rush into a relationship you might likely rush out or live in pain; I have always advised that you wait a while. At this time friendship becomes necessary, but not too close, it all allows you the privilege of knowing new things and making new discovery.

3. Are you compatible?

No matter the emotions and pressure, be yourself; never say “yes” until you have “sorted out things” the only way to know how compatible you are is to become friends. What do you really want? What are your dreams, are you comfortable with his job, his way of life?

Be sure about your compatibleness, is not right to build up hopes, is really frustrating when you start regretting why you accepted such relationship. When you are not compatible you may likely have relationships problem which may lead to break up, when you start getting along having discussions it enables you both to know each other, then you will be able to know if you can live together.

4. Your reasons

Your motives, your thoughts and your overall reason will determine how healthy your relationship will be. This area is very important, when you fail to sort this out you might end up having heart breaks, you may not have confident in yourselves. Are you going into a relationship for beauty, wealth? Whichever reasons; what happens when what you hoped for fails you? To be on safe quad it should be for one reason “love” do you love him? Does he love you?

Material things are sometimes temporal when they fail that might be the end of such relationship. When you look at material things chance are that you might likely meat “fakes” deceivers, those who pretend to be what they are not. In the end they become your worst enemies. When you define what you want and be patient enough, you will know who they are. Your reasons should be genuine. In as much as you need a responsible man, love is the principal thing.

5. Is love involved?

In that regard you take more time and access yourself if your affection is based on love. The worst relationship is that without love. If you do not have true love, don’t venture into any relationship. Love is the foundation: the holy bible says; love covers transgressions, therefore in times of adversities true love keeps two people together. The person you are interested to; does he love you? What are his motives? When you give him sometime it will go a long way to show who he really is.

6. Be open

Openness in any relationship breeds trust. You must have to be truthful to yourselves. If you want peace, develop self confidence in yourself, first expression matters a lot, do not try to please anybody, keep no secret. Be yourself, it is better to break up early than to mess up yourself.

The beauty of any relationship is trust. Trust has its own foundation, trust and love work hand in hand. There are the things that make a relationship healthy; not trusting someone is also the foundation of problems in any relationship. If you can’t trust, you can’t keep a relationship, any relationship without trust is full of problems you can never be in peace in such relationship if you want peace trust, be sincere.

7. Know your values

Is very common these days that people go into a relationship without putting into consideration what defines them. When you define what your values are; you come to terms.

Self esteem is very important it produces your worth. How does your friend regard you? The way and manner you present yourself to someone will determine how much regard he has for you. When you make yourself so cheap you give room to undue attractions for anyone to hop in and out your life. Dress yourself to be yourself. Women of great value do not dress for attraction; they dress for dignity and self esteem. When you ignore the basics and allow certain things to influence your character, at the end you force yourself for marriage. You must also understand the different between lust and love as a lady, you must have principles that guide you when you are in a relationship, and you come together and define your values. Understanding who you are as a people will go a long way to eliminate gender inequality in a relationship. When you know your values you protect it.

8. Be quick to solve problems

In section seven we talked about values. Protecting your values is one of the basics to problem solving in any relationship, values produces respect defines boundaries and limits.

No matter the gravity of the issues involved, you must understand your limits. Every relationship has its own problem. The way it is approached and handled is what matters; when two people are together they must put certain things into consideration when ever problem arises. You must understand that there is no problem that worth destroying your relationship/marriage, admit your faults, be quick to say am sorry, be quick to solve problems, avoid third party in your relationship. (The only third party is God) don’t throw blames handle issues with humility, pride comes before destruction. When you are angry work away for a while, when your partner refuses to see reasons accept the blame, it takes nothing from you. But in good times advice he/she on the matter, it builds relationship. The issues of misunderstanding and pride should be looked at during courtship. Pride is what destroys any relationship, what you cannot deal with during courtship; you can’t handle it in marriage. When you discover an attitude you cannot cope with is better you quit. Never go into a relationship to change anyone.

9. Take responsibilities

You must show yourself to be responsible enough; a well coordinated organized relationship has less troubles. You must be responsible.

As a lady learn to fulfill your primary responsibilities, both partners must understand their goals this will enable the ideal partner to compliment you and support you to fulfill your dreams. Taking responsibilities will help you drive your goals together, it helps strengthen growth and corporation, when this is in existence you see yourself as partners working together to achieve a particular objectives – you see yourselves working for the good of each other and the future.

As a lady, it is good that you work to also complement your man. But if the man felt is not necessary,” you let it be”

As far as he is capable of taking care of the family, this is acceptable to avoid problems; you have many other ways of contributing to the well being of the home. Private business is acceptable at this time.

10. Spend time together

Spending time together is one of the finest ingredients that spice up a relationship; any relationship that couples do not spend time together is incomplete.

In a relationship one thing complements the other. Spending time together creates oneness, intimacy and increases love and affections, no matter how your job schedule may be create time to stay together. It also helps in reducing depression build confident and trust.

 

Time To Deciding The End Of Relationship

Relationships are among of the most complex aspects of our lives, particularly long-term relationships such as marriage. Your relationships can elevate you to new heights or drag you down into the dumps.

But what if you’re somewhere in the middle?

What if your relationship is pretty good, like a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10? Should you stay, openly committing to that relationship for life? Or should you leave and look for something better, something that could become even better?

This is the dreadful state of ambivalence. You simply aren’t sure one way or the other. Maybe what you have is good enough and you’d be a fool to abandon it in search of a new relationship you may never find. Or maybe you’re seriously holding yourself back from finding a truly fulfilling relationship that would serve you well the rest of your life. Tough call.

Fortunately, there’s an excellent book that provides an intelligent process for overcoming relationship ambivalence. It’s called Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum. I read this book many years ago, and it completely changed how I think about long-term relationships.

First, the book points out the wrong way to make this decision. The wrong way is to use a balance-scale approach, attempting to weigh the pros and cons of staying vs. leaving. Of course, that’s what everyone does. Weighing the pros and cons seems logical, but it doesn’t provide you with the right kind of information you need to make this decision. There will be pros and cons in every relationship, so how do you know if yours are fatal or tolerable or even wonderful? The cons tell you to leave, while the pros tell you to stay. Plus you’re required to predict future pros and cons, so how are you going to predict the future of your relationship? Who’s to say if your problems are temporary or permanent?

Kirshenbaum’s solution is to dump the balance-scale approach and use a diagnostic approach instead. Diagnose the true status of your relationship instead of trying to weigh it on a scale. This will provide you the information you need to make an intelligent decision and to know precisely why you’re making it. If you’re ambivalent, it means your relationship is sick. So discovering the precise nature of the disease seems an intelligent place to begin.

In order to perform a relationship diagnosis, the author offers a series of 36 yes/no questions to ask yourself. Each question is explained very thoroughly with several pages of text. In fact, the diagnostic procedure is essentially the whole book.

Each question is like passing your relationship through a filter. If you pass the filter, you proceed to the next question. If you don’t pass the filter, then the recommendation is that you end your relationship. In order to achieve the recommendation that you should stay together, you must pass through all 36 filters. If even one filter snags you, the recommendation is to leave.

This isn’t as brutal as it sounds though because most of these filters will be very easy for you to pass. My guess is that out of the 36 questions, less than a third will require much thought. Hopefully you can pass filters like, “Does your partner beat you?” and “Is your partner leaving the country for good without you?” without much trouble. If not, you don’t need a book to tell you your relationship is going downhill.

The author’s recommendations are based on observing the post-decision experiences of multiple couples who either stayed together or broke up after suffering from a state of ambivalence related to one of the 36 questions. The author then watched how those relationships turned out in the long run. Did the person making the stay-or-leave decision feel s/he made the correct choice years later? If the couple stayed together, did the relationship blossom into something great or decline into resentment? And if they broke up, did they find new happiness or experience everlasting regret over leaving?

I found this concept extremely valuable, like being able to turn the page of time to see what might happen. The recommendations are based on the author’s observations and her professional opinion, so I don’t recommend you take her advice blindly. However, I personally found all of her conclusions utterly sensible and didn’t find any surprises. I doubt you’ll be terribly surprised to read that a relationship with a drug user is virtually doomed to failure. But what about a relationship with someone you don’t respect? What about a long-distance relationship? Or a relationship with a workaholic who makes 10x your income? Would you like to know how such relationships tend to work out if the couple stays together vs. if they break up?

Kirshenbaum explains that where a break-up is recommended, it’s because most people who chose to stay together in that situation were unhappy, while most people who left were happier for it. So long-term happiness is the key criteria used, meaning the happiness of the individual making the stay-or-leave decision, not the (ex-)partner.

If you’re facing a “too good to leave, too bad to stay” dilemma, I highly recommend this book. You’ll breeze through most of the filters, but you’ll probably hit a few that snag you and really make you think. But I recommend this book not just for people who aren’t sure about the status of their relationship but also those with healthy relationships who want to make it even better. This book will help you diagnose the weak points of your relationship that could lead to break-up and allow you to consciously attend to them.

Here are some diagnostic points from the book you may find valuable (these are my summaries, not the author’s exact words):

1. If God or some divine being told you it was OK to leave your relationship, would you feel relieved that you could finally leave? If your religion is the only reason you’re still together, your relationship is already long dead. Drop the self-torturing beliefs and choose happiness. Living together physically but not in your heart isn’t going to fool any divine being anyway, nor is it likely to fool anyone else around you. Leave the hypocrisy behind, and take off.

2. Are you able to get your needs met in the relationship without too much difficulty? If it takes too much effort to get your needs met, then your relationship is doing you more harm than good. Leave.

3. Do you genuinely like your partner, and does your partner seem to genuinely like you? If you don’t mutually like each other, you don’t belong together.

4. Do you feel a unique sexual attraction to your partner? If there’s no spark, there’s no point in staying.

5. Does your partner exhibit any behavior that makes the relationship too difficult for you to stay in, and do you find your partner is either unwilling or incapable of changing? Results matter far more than intentions. If your partner behaves in a way that’s intolerable to you, then permanent change is a must, or you need to leave. Example: “Quit smoking for good in 30 days, or I’m gone.” Trying to tolerate the intolerable will only erode your self-esteem, and you’ll see yourself as stronger in the past than in the present.

6. Do you see yourself when you look in your partner’s eyes? A metaphor… if you don’t sense a strong compatibility with your partner, you’re better off with someone else.

7. Do you and your partner each respect each other as individuals? No mutual respect = time to leave.

8. Does your partner serve as an important resource for you in a way that you care about? If your partner does little to enhance your life and you wouldn’t lose anything important to you by leaving, then leave. You’ll break even by being on your own and gain tremendously by finding someone else who is a resource to you.

9. Does your relationship have the demonstrated capacity for forgiveness? If you can’t forgive each other’s transgressions, then resentment will gradually replace love. Leave.

10. Do you and your partner have fun together? A relationship that’s no fun is dead. Leave.

11. Do you and your partner have mutual goals and dreams for your future together? If you aren’t planning to spend your future together, something’s terribly wrong. Take off.

These questions drive home the point that a relationship should enhance your life, not drain it. At the very least, you should be happier in the relationship than outside it. Even if a break-up leads to a messy divorce with complex custody arrangements, Kirshenbaum points out that in many situations, that can still lead to long-term happiness whereas staying in a defunct relationship almost surely prevents it.

Some of the diagnostic points might seem overly harsh in terms of recommending leaving in situations you might find salvageable. A relationship, however, requires the effort and commitment of both partners. One person can’t carry it alone. Even though you might come through with a miraculous save (such as by turning around an abusive relationship), such attempts are usually doomed to failure, and even where they succeed, they may take such a tremendous toll that you ultimately feel they weren’t worth the effort. You could be much happier in a new relationship (or living alone) instead of investing so much time trying to save a relationship that’s dragging you down. You’ll do a lot more good giving yourself to someone who’s more receptive to what you have to offer and who genuinely appreciates you for it. If you’re spending your relationship fighting resistance more than sharing love, you’re probably better off letting it go and embracing a relationship that will provide greater mutual rewards for less work.

You may find it revealing to apply these diagnostic questions to a broader set of human relationships, such as your relationships with your boss and co-workers. Perhaps you can skip the sexual attraction one… but mutual respect, fun, shared goals, tolerable behavior, getting your needs met, etc. all apply perfectly well to career-oriented relationships. For example, if your boss avoids you when you try to discuss your future with the company, I’d say that’s a very bad sign for one of you.

Don’t confuse the question of whether or not you should leave your current relationship with how you might find a new relationship. If it’s clear that your current relationship should end, then end it. Once you’re on your own again, then you can (re)develop the skills needed to attract a new partner. It’s unlikely you’ll be in a place to assess your chances of entering a new relationship while you’re still in one. For one, everyone around you will perceive you as unavailable while you’re still in a relationship, so you won’t be able to get a clear sense of where you stand until you’re free of that.

A proper diagnosis may also convince you that your relationship is indeed too good to leave. That situation may last your entire life, or it may change at some point. You can’t control all the variables. But at least you’ll have a method for deciding if you can commit to your relationship in the present moment or if you should be making plans to end it.

In any relationship, choose at the very least to achieve your own happiness.

 

Relationship Without Regret

Most of us have a few regrets about our relationships. That’s just life.

This article is about how you can learn from your regrets and use them to strategically build exceptional relationships . . . relationships that are so good you won’t have future regrets in your personal or professional life . . . relationships that will reward you with great happiness.

No Regret Relationships

I got the idea for “No Regret Relationships” from one of the hardest experiences of my life – a near death experience. As I lay in my hospital bed recovering from the tragic event that almost took my life, I realized the utter importance of relationships . . . and I suddenly understood I had never given my relationships enough attention . . .

Nor had I been as loving and caring as I wished.

So I developed a plan to enhance all my current relationships and to make the most of future relationships. While doing this, I developed a relationship coaching program to help my clients create the most satisfying and enjoyable relationships possible. The following brief ideas are taken from my no-regret relationship coaching program.

How To Conduct No Regret Relationships

1. Put your relationships first.

2. Live your life in such a way as you will not harm anyone. In other words, simply do no harm in your relationships. Conduct all relationships in a manner so you will do right by everyone, even if they are unkind to you.

Yes, this is harder than it sounds, but it’s possible . . . if you set this lofty but attainable goal, and really go after it, you can do it.

If you apply this idea to all forms of communication in your relationships, your relationships will become intensely more satisfying!

2. Accept responsibility for your actions, admit you are wrong, apologize and take swift and certain steps to make a bad relationship better. If you accidentally do harm or make a mistake in your relationships, fix it immediately.

3. Prevent regrets. That means you will actively care for your relationships and keep them in such good working order that you allow no regrets to occur.

You won’t put off relationship responsibilities.

You will enjoy remarkably healthy relationships that will bring you endless benefits when you do your best by each and every relationship in your life . . . and if your life suddenly ended, you would leave without regret . . . because all your relationships would be in tip-top shape. This would bring new meaning to the process of death and dying . . . and incredible peace of mind.

Think of it, all the people in your life would be better in some way because of you!

You would leave a legacy of excellent, loving relationships . . . and through those relationships you would leave the world a better place. Many ripples would go out from those relationships, ripples affecting many situations and people. Through your relationships, both more important and less important, you would make a significant impact upon the affairs of others.

Above all, you would leave a marvelous example of how to live and love and serve. You would be a relationship benefactor to many, whose loving acts would impact countless others.

Unquestionably your positive influence would live on long after you.

4. Inject a newfound generosity and kindness into your relationships, and think of every relationship as having the potential to change lives. Love and relationships are the pathways of our expression. Relationships are the means by which we express our love.

5. Listen with every ounce of your energy when people share themselves with you. Listening from your heart takes courage, will power and self-discipline, but it does wonders for people! And it will do wonders for you, if you listen to discover new ways you can contribute to your relationships.

Listening with great focus and energy allows you to explore ways you could not only give more to your relationships, but become more thoughtful and appreciative, or find small but creative ways to touch lives.

The beauty of the ideas behind No Regret Relationships is their simplicity and power. And they work! They’ve worked for many of my clients, and they’ll work for you, too.

My near death experience showed me just how important our relationships truly are . . . and how priceless! Also, it gave me a refreshing perspective on death and dying. One that has helped me to see relationships as precious and sacred cargo.

Give to your relationships and they will give to you unimaginable treasures.

Take these techniques for a test drive. What a favorable impact they’ll have on your relationships, great or small.

Richard Hamon is a dynamic coach and therapist with 30 years of professional experience. Richard helps people to solve their relationship problems, enjoy truly extraordinary marriages and find exceptional success in all areas of their lives.

You’ll find all kinds of articles on how to spice up your relationships and lead a happier life at Richard’s website, Happy-Relationships.com. Find out about personal coaching programs to assist you in quickly reaching your loftiest goals. Discover eBooks, relaxation CDs and other informative products, such as a free relationship quiz to help you assess your relationship.

 

Tips Everlasting Relationship

Happiness – why we want to be in love and in a relationship. Better why we choose one partner over another and stay loyal and faithful. Faster the incredible opportunity the right relationship presents at a deep, soul, spiritual level: fulfilling our ambitions – Faster.

Five contact points

1. Faster: Physical and Financial Attraction. Pleasure and Fulfilment come faster.

2. Better: Mental Attraction – Compare your partner to anyone else and there is no better.

3. Happier: Soul and Emotional Love Attraction – A Deep sense of Perfection.

LET”S START WITH FASTER:

If being with you makes my life slower, makes my aches and pains last longer, makes my emotional downers harder to recover from, makes my career slow down, my plans delayed, my vision extend out for more years, am I going to remain committed to a relationship with you?

We have to recognise here that relationships are based on getting what we want. They’re all about love and attraction too, we’ll discuss that in a minute, but at the core essence of human existence at the most spiritual levels of heart and soul is, yes, getting what we want. The more we have, in whatever form, the more we can contribute. Nobody wakes up wanting less – (unless it’s stress).

Relationships succeed because you are getting what you want, when you want it, and you’re getting it more, and faster than you were before. And, yes, I hear the negative implication of orgasms and so on, well think it through before you shoot the messenger. Do you think, you’ll stay happy in a relationship if you can get sex faster and easier with a stranger than you can with your partner. People do not gravitate to hard work, or more difficulty. Faster is king and queen of the spiritual realm and relationships at the spiritual realm last forever.

Let’s not limit this conversation to sex. Although we could easily do so. Let’s add wealth, lets add sport goals, and social friendship roles, career ambitions and humanitarian responsibilities. Do you think we gravitate toward or away from things that slow those down? We gravitate away – it’s the Soul of Humanity to strive toward betterment, a better world, a better life, better strength to contribute – which often means more simplicity, more technology, more refined process. It NEVER means more trouble, more difficulty and certainly not, longer periods of waiting. NEVER.

Faster recovery from emotional upset, faster process toward your goals (include financial), faster process for sexual and personal pleasure and more of your ambitions achieved in a shorter period of time. Link this to your relationship and you’ll have magnetism. Find a disconnect and you’ll start to lose the libido and communication that makes love grow.

I’m sure you can list a thousand situations you’ve observed where, in the desire for a better relationship, one or both partners have actually put the brakes on their partner’s ambitions in career or sport or fun, or even philanthropic ambitions, and as such killed the relationship. One lady, partnered a guy who was an aspiring musician with a great full time job to pay his lifestyle. She bought into his life romance and inspiration which added value to his ambition to be a great musician but she was so emotionally self absorbed, his mind and heart we continually distracted by her emotional upset over her children (past marriage), her ex, her life, her health, that in spite of the love that guy had for her, he just drew down to protect his SOUL mission of music. This is nature, protecting her own.

THE SECOND STEP TO SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS IS – BETTER

COMPARISON is Nature. Nature compares, so do you. The minute you compare your partner to another person and think that the other person would be a better partner than the one you’re with, you’re unhappy. And that’s the end of it.

Comparison is critical but the outcome is not predetermined. It’s you. If you’re generous, positive, kind and appreciative of your partner every other person who comes into range of sight, touch, smell, thought, sound, tastes must be subordinate to them. That’s it,your partner is BETTER than all your other options. and you do have many including being single.

Compromise means others would be better and that’s the most relationship killing, libido depreciating, personally rejecting, heart closing, head banging state of mind a human can bring to another person. You’re second best and I’m prepared to suffer it. That’s compromise, and it’s the first nail in the coffin of happiness.

This relationship you are in has to be perceived as far better than anything else. If you perceive being single as better than this relationship, then you’re depreciating the person you’re with and hurting them subconsciously. If you’re thinking that compromise is ok, then just wait and see how those thoughts eventually sabotage your relationship.

Being in this relationship must be perceived as the best place for you to be. No seconds or thirds. It achieves this status because you choose to think those things, and if you choose not to, then the end is near, eventually.

BETTERMENT is the Deeper Spirit of relationship and if this relationship isn’t the best betterment, then it won’t last unless you change your mindset.

If you don’t get this one, then something is really wrong. People come to a relationship to me BETTER. They don’t come to a relationship to SUSTAIN what they already have. Whatever they had outside or before this relationship or could have without this relationship, needs to be IMPROVED by this relationship. BETTER is MAGNETISM and nobody will cheat or defeat BETTER.

THE THIRD STEP – HAPPY

We all know that “making someone happy” is impossible. An unhappy person is unhappy and no relationship on earth is going to change that, right? We are on the same page? Most people think a relationship is going to make them happy, but that’s a week, month or a year at the tops. Unhappy people are unhappy, in and out of a relationship. Oh, and by the way, Happy people don’t get Unhappy because of the relationship. The fact is some people just don’t know how unhappy they are until they get into a relationship that cuts off their escape routes.

So, here’s the real rub for long term relationship success in Happiness.

YOU HAVE TO BE HAPPY.. Yeah baby, it’s you. Not your partner, not your relationship, that’s nothing to do with it. YOU have to be happy and the most important thing you have to be happy about, is nothing.

Now, you might be confused, so, here’s a bit more information on this. Being happy because you get, got, have, or had something is physical and understandable so lets label that PLEASURE. Pleasure of the physical nature can come and go, as we all know. So, it’s really dumb to label HAPPY with the derivation of pleasure. If pleasure comes and goes, then so will our happiness. We’re like a donkey chasing a carrot on a stick or a cat chasing its tail. This is a definite burnout model for relationships.

HAPPY people ARE HAPPY. No cause.

So, HAPPY in relationship means HAPPY in LIFE means HAPPY in SELF. A miserable person might be attracted to a Happy relationship but eventually that misery, that internal emotional dialogue infects the relationship and that’s the end of romance.

People become as you think about them. If you’re appreciating your partner, appreciating them (BETTER) and seeing that, they are helping you live your DESTINY FASTER you have the first part of successful relationship. But the third element, HAPPY, has nothing to do with your partner or your RELATIONSHIP.

Happy is up to you and it is, without question, the most challenging.

Sometimes people think that Making Someone Happy, will make them want to be with us. That’s is not exactly true. If we are already happy before we meet someone, then everything we do will make them happy, it’s infectious. But if we are not happy and we try to make others happy, the real hope is that by making them happy, they’ll return the favour. This fails.

The most Narcissistic thing we can do is to CHANGE OTHERS TO MAKE THEM HAPPY. The most altruistic thing we can do is to CHANGE OURSELVES TO BE HAPPY, because this happiness is infectious and then, it doesn’t matter so much how we serve the world – our happiness guarantees goodness comes from it.

This is ironic because rather than changing your partner, trying to make them happy, you swing it around and choose to make you happy without things. In other words happy without a BECAUSE.

If you find yourself saying, I am happy today, because…..a, b, c, d, then you’ve just created the opportunity to sink in unhappiness without…..a, b, c, d.

Your happiness – no matter what happens, leads to the best relationship and all the great spiritual literature the emotion you show toward someone is actually what you get back, so, if you’re happy, really happy – regardless – then that is the most powerful way to cause their happiness. SUSTAINING THE ATTRACTION – FIVE POINTS OF CONTACT

When we meet someone and merge into a relationship there are certain attractions we are not aware of, and as these discount, we lose that original attraction. Then relationships fail.

Here, we list for you those original attractions, they come from five contact points of relationship. Any one contact point can cause attraction but all have influence. So, for example, we might enter a relationship based on one of the five contact points, then, all the other four are not important. As long as we sustain the intensity of that one contact point we can live without the others. But over time, that living without, is almost impossible.